Obsessive Ex Syndrome
Personal accounts of cases:
Female Obsessor/Male Victim
The cases below represent typical OEX cases and typical endings.
(The media does not bother to report on the many lesser crimes of early OEX
stages. Most cases of Obsessive Ex Syndrome do not reach Stage 6.)
The below data was collected via this website's anonymous survey.
I was in a relationship which I ended
because she couldn't control her jealousy of any of my female friends whom I'd
formed purely platonic friendships. She was also highly temperamental as well -
Anyway, she wouldn't take no for an answer and it was 3 or 4
years before she finally accepted it was over. Phone calls, e-mails, you name
it. The nadir came when she lied to me about being pregnant so I would return
(she lived overseas). Other than that, there was nothing abusive or nasty about
her behaviour so I guess I was lucky in that sense. She was genuinely in love
and the whole thing was very hard on her.
Funny thing is, we are actually still friends although I
suspect she's hoping I will return but she's not being pushy about it.
The obsessive behavior ended when she gradually accepted that
it really was over and I wasn't going to return, especially after making it
clear she'd lost my trust following her lie about being pregnant.
Extreme jealousy and hatred of the new girlfriend - to the extent of damaging
property. Double standards (it was ok for her to hook up, but not him).
The obsessive behavior ended when she was prosecuted for
criminal damage to the girlfriend's car.
Constant phone calls, visits, and threats. The behavior ended when I
moved where she could not find me.
Her obsessive behaviors:
Denial of loss. Can't obtain a picture other than the
vision they want to see.
Felt promises made were promises not to be broken.
Plays songs on radio stations to let the world know you are
Bought gifts of value to prove they were still there.
The obsessive behavior ended when: Phone change and up
front with employer. He told his employer and they got a restraining order
against her as she disrupted business. Court further granted restraining order
to him and his dog.
She stated she was pregnant 2 days after showing up to
have "no commitment" sex, then threatened to sue me.
She sent me a card saying she'd had an operation and
She would pickup my team mates and accuse of rape.
She was constantly calling or showing up at my work.
She placed notes, photos, etc on my windshield.
She forced me off road.
She placed personal ads directed to me.
She came into a bar and threw a Mars Bar at me.
She used the police department to find personal info about
The obsessive behavior ended after two years, after I moved
and changed jobs. But she still sent me a letter ten years later by tracking
down my license number.
She stalked my wife and I. She attempted assault on my
wife. She had other people stalk us, ending in assault.
She contacted me after 13 years had passed since our break up. She'd
popped up sporadically during the 13 years, but then revealed to me when
she popped up again after 13 years that she knew where I lived, where I
had previously lived, places I'd hung out at in the town I previously
lived in, and have even attended a party I went to on New Year's Eve
several years before. And all of this was while she was married, and so
The obsessive behavior ended when I cut off all
possible means of contact with me - blocked emails, monitored phone calls,
I later found out she got divorced from her spouse, so
I'm left to wonder if she'll show up again in the future.
Stage 1: Courtship - tests how much control can get over partner
Stage 2: Relationship - tries to maintain control
Stage 3: Break-Up - Obsessor will not accept relationship is
over; argues or discusses with ex-partner repeatedly
Stage 4: Stalking - ex-partner is no longer willing to see
Obsessor, but Obsessor keeps trying to contact
Stage 5: Threats - intimidation, threatening, blackmail, etc
Stage 6: Violence - abduction, assault, murder and/or suicide
The obsessive behavior started after I broke up with her. I caught her on a
date with another guy (at the time we had been dating for 2 years). After I
broke things off she began telling people that I was threatening her. She told
friends of mine and hers that I was driving past her house several times a day.
On one occasion she told my best friend that I drove past her at a specific
place the day before and pointed a gun at her. She was crying and hysterical
when she told him this. He replied to her that he knew she was lying because he
was in the car with me when I drove past her. Realizing that she had been caught
she suddenly stopped crying, paused, then walked away. The people who witnessed
this exchange were horrified, they all warned me to stay as far away as
Two years later (with really no contact during most of that time) she
accused me of assaulting her at a disaster drill (we were both volunteers in the
fire/ambulance corps). She registered a complaint with the ambulance company and
wanted me terminated. Everyone found it odd that she didn't press criminal
I wrote her a certified letter and informed her of my intent to sue her
for slander and the complaint dropped. Since then I've had no trouble with her.
The whole thing was odd, I was being accused of stalking her when in reality she
was stalking me.
When all this first started everyone believed her and assumed I
was doing everything she said. Luckily she made a few mistakes and took things
over the top. Eventually people began to realize that she was a little nutty.
Had she gone to the police I likely would have incurred legal expenses to keep
myself out of jail and clear my name. It was a potentially dangerous ordeal for
My boyfriend broke up with his ex about a year ago. She still continued to
believe they were on the verge on getting back together. Once he started dating
me, he tried to explain he wanted to move on.
She started calling him about twenty times a day. At all
times of the day. She also sent txt messages throughout the day as well. She did
this every day until he had to cancel his phone service and get a new number.
This went on for about 4 weeks.
She still calls his house or his friends to try to get in
touch with him.
She invents reasons to see him. She will tell him she needs
to return a book to him, or a shot glass or she needs him to look at her car.
She goes to his place of work once every 3 or 4 days to talk
to him and to try to "win" him back.
She has even followed him in her car when he was with me one
She has threatened to assault me and to find out where I
She claims she is pregnant with his child and has said that
she hopes she is pregnant so that she can screw up his life.
She has told me that he was hers and I have no right to date
She continues to try to get in contact with him to reconcile
even though he's been blunt about not wanting anything to do with her.
She just ignores everything he says and pretends like they're
just having a fight and continues to try to see him at least 2 times a week.
It's been a month since we started dating and she's still
harassing and stalking him. Things just keep getting worse and she continues to
She has already gone to the doctor about being pregnant and
her test came back negative, but she wants another one done in a month because
she refuses to believe that she is not pregnant.
ACCOUNTS - CLICK HERE